For Widows Only–6 Ways To Have A Happier New Year

The Freedom Tower - Signature of the New World Trade Center Complex

Happy New Year! Yeah, I know. You’re thinking what’s with this writer? Life sucks without Him by your side. How dare she use the H word and wish me a Happy New Year.

Well, I feel your pain. Really, I do, because I am a widow, too. But, I’m here to tell you, everything will be alright. No, it won’t be like it was before He left. But yes, you can and you will get through 2007–With a smile.

Here are 6 ways to have a happier New Year:


Control Your Tears.

Take a deep breath. Every time you feel a tear attack, poke your eyeball, take a step back. Inhale. Exhale.

A deep breath will help relax you. It will remind you to focus. And it will help you regain your self control.

Reduce Stress

Carry a notebook. Begin today.

No notebook? Carry 3×5 index cards. And don’t forget a pen. Tote one of those too. Every time you feel pressured, write your feelings down. The time you take to write out what troubles you when it is happening will create a personal time out — For you! What better way to reduce stress? Later, when you sit quiet reviewing your notes with a cup of tea at the corner diner, you will better be able to identify the things that irk you most. Think walk in the park. When you know to avoid that shiny 3-leafed plant that causes itches, you enjoy your outing.

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Create A Family

Got family? I sure hope so. Having a healthy happy family support system is essential to heal a broken heart. Okay. You say all you got is a small brat dog and his little cat. Well, thassamifamileee2!

Write a schedule for whatever people and/or creatures that make up your family. Setting aside time for breakfast with your daughter before she leaves for work, is a start. Mark time for your son. Invite him for dinner. But be sure to pencil him in, just in case the wintry weather turns from rain to sleet and snow.

Remind yourself – be flexible, be prepared to change plans.

Schedule a time to walk doggy. Write it in your personal calendar box as a reminder. Be sure to bundle doggy, collar and leash him, and zip your jacket. Then get out the door and follow that four-footed fur ball twice around the block.

Keep up the good work.

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And be sure to compliment yourself. Remember you’re your own best friend. Take time to make time especially for you. Mark a box to pamper you. Fill your bathtub with chocolate kisses *hey, just checking to see if you’re still reading* light two candles, one for you, one for Him. Then sink under the foam with a good book.

Prevent Grief Attacks

Sorry. There is nothing a widow can do to prevent a grief attack. You know those floppy flashbacks that flood our brain when we least expect it? Like death and taxes, flashbacks are here to stay. But, if you give yourself permission to feel sad, to feel ugly, to feel pain, it will make the occurrence feel less threatening and help you get back to living your life, at least for the rest of the day.

Eat Healthy Foods

Widows love chocolate. Widows love ice cream. Widows love whipped cream, heavy cream, and Oreo cookies, chips, dips, and frosted donuts with rainbow colored sprinkles. When there’s no one to answer to, no one to cook for, no one to love us back, it’s easy to fall into bad habits. So be vigilant, be strong, be reminded. Don’t do it. Be your own best friend. Serve yourself a healthy salad, a grilled salmon steak, a leafy vegetable at least once a week. Save the carbs, the sweets, as your reward for making it through one more year without Him by your side to tell you you look great in that sexy red dress and 2″ high heels.

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Take Ten

Set aside ten minutes every day to write an entry in your JOY-nal. Write something about Him. Write something to Him. Perhaps, write something for Him. But do it. Mark your calendar. Check the battery in your watch. Then open your Joy-nal. Fingerhug your pen. And go.

I know it’s hard living life without Him around to tell you how wonderfully important you really are. But take it from me, you really are. And if you follow my 6 ways to have a happier New Year outlined above, you will feel it, too. I promise.



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